


Your World is right here

by marxsoul



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Angst, Autistic Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya, Autistic Sakuraba Neku, Canon-Typical Violence, Derealization, Dreams and Nightmares, Gaslighting, Guns, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Nonbinary Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya, Panic Attacks, Post-Game, Stimming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25703449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marxsoul/pseuds/marxsoul
Summary: If even time comes to a halt,your nightmare will come into viewForever clashing, always changing.
Relationships: Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya & Sakuraba Neku
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (Joshua uses he/they, but they/them is prominently used here for them in this chapter.)

A vast, white space. 

Completely empty, except for the boy with his purple headphones. 

His gaze darting desperately around for a sign of something, _anything_... As if granting his unspoken wish, a hauntingly familiar silhouette stepped into view.

Neku’s voice sits trapped in his throat. Were his eyes deceiving him? _It... It couldn’t be..._

He calls out, “J... Joshua...?”

Their voice rang out, “Now then, Neku... Why don't we play our Final Game?”

The room turns a pitch black, and slowly, the surroundings shift...

_“The winner gets to...”_

It’s The Room of Reckoning. 

_“... the Composer, and do...”_

Neku’s here, again. His ears are suddenly ringing. His vision is distorting itself.

_“...If I win, I...”_

Joshua’s here, again. Neku can barely hear a word they’re saying.

_"... Oh, by the way..."_

...He doesn’t want to understand.

_“...And of course,_ I've already decided.”

Neku, unable to deviate from the script, picks the pistol up, hands shaking, vision blurred by tears already. 

_Every time, it was the same._

_Every time, he knew it was a dream._

_He couldn’t do anything about it._

The beginning of the dream let him believe for a _second_ that things might be different.

_They weren’t._

Nothing Neku said mattered, Joshua never deviated, never acted differently. In the end, they always shot him point-blank. An illusion that lasted 10 seconds, yet felt like centuries... 

_...So why didn’t Joshua have a gun?_

“You have 60 seconds to shoot me, and win.”, their gaze was fixated on him.

_Why 60 seconds? Why was the room entirely empty save for the two of them? Shiki and Beat were missing_ , and Neku could swear he could feel the room crumbling around the two of them. It felt so real, yet so fake all at the same time.

He had long accepted the fact that he was, indeed, betrayed by Joshua. Then lied to about losing everything if he lost this game. Despite what would’ve been lost, despite the fact that he _should_ have shot Joshua, he should have become Composer, and he should have saved everything...

He lost, but still didn’t _lose_ anything... Did he? _Why were things like that, in the first place?_

_Neither anger nor shock dwelt in his heart any longer. Because the outcome never truly changed. Shibuya, along with all of his dear ones... They lived. So why did the same visages torment him so? More importantly..._

_Why were things different this time? What did it mean?_

Sorrow, confusion, lingering fear... And... and there was something else. He couldn’t confront that feeling now. _All he knew was that things this time were different._

_Things had changed... This time, he could... Even if it didn’t work, even if it meant nothing to the Joshua before him... he had to try..._

“...Why...?” Neku muttered, not even lifting the pistol up, instead mustering the strength to speak.

“Why, what? You’ll need to elaborate, you have... I’ll be generous, 45 seconds left.” Joshua chided, tapping their forehead.

“Why don’t you... have a gun...?” 

Their smile dissolved instantly, “My, was I talking to a brick wall? I **said** that there's only one gun this time. Everything else is the same as it ever was. My turn, then. Why haven't you taken the shot already?” Joshua asked, plain as day. 

Neku wiped the tears from his eyes, though it seemed like they wouldn't stop falling. “I trust you, and I care about you... I... _I don’t want to kill you_...” 

“You would trust someone who swore to crush Shibuya with their own two hands?” Joshua seemed so much less forgiving than usual. Their usual trademark smile was gone, Neku had just realized. Their gaze was so cold.

“You helped me just as much as they did... Expanding my world, showing me new things... Showing me that I shouldn’t have been... so scared...!” The words poured out from his heart, akin to the torrent of tears pouring from his eyes. “I still have faith in you... _I still believe in you_...” 

“Even when you don’t forgive me, right? Let me tell you something. Sure enough, you’re the only one on my side, the only one to feel any fondness of me.” 

Suddenly, it felt like the room got even darker. Was Joshua... glowing? They were stepping closer, closing the distance between the two. 

“Those new friends of yours, Beat and Shiki, they know I shot you twice. I retained every single one of their memories of the Game. Poor little Rhyme knows I took their dreams away. All of their suffering was dealt by my hands.”

Neku wasn’t sure what to say, any words he had were caught in his throat. _Did Joshua read their minds? What did they know that he didn’t? Their voice was echoing, their words were getting clearer. Why was that?_

“They all surely detest me, for good reason. If you don’t shoot me, I’ll still take your life, you know. Do you want to know my secret, Neku? I’ll take the gun you’re holding, and... _bam_.” As nonchalant as ever, Joshua motioned a finger gun pointed to their head. 

Even with only one gun, the one Neku was gripping only tighter, Joshua would insist on the same outcome when given mercy.

_And yet..._

Neku knew. He told himself he was already ready for it. 12 times before, he’d been killed by Joshua. None of this is real... 

_But it hurt._

It’s only... a dream... 

_It hurt so much._

“This would be the 13th time. A new record, really. I suppose you deserve some plaudits for that.”

_He wanted to stop hurting so desperately._

"Oh! Perhaps not? I **really** like that look in your eyes, Neku." Their insidious smirk returned from the depths.

Gripping the gun tight, he finally pointed it up, doing his damndest to keep his aim steady. 

Joshua's figure was crystal-clear in Neku's vision. The way they just stood there, smiling, as if they'd won... _Why? Why was that?_

Slowly, Neku held his index finger on the trigger. Pushing down on it, he kept his eyes trained on him, holding his tears back.

Joshua smiled with their eyes-- their whole expression was alight with joy. This was the first time Neku ever saw them smile like that. A genuine smile... They seemed so alive.

_They seemed so real._

  
  
  


_Without another breath, Neku took the shot._

"... Ah. You missed."

The bullet flew mere inches past Joshua's face. 

Tossing the gun aside with the last of his willpower, Neku’s knees gave out. The tears he could no longer hold back poured viciously. He couldn't even bring himself to breathe properly, gasping for air between sobs, _"Can't... I... c-can't..."_

The smile almost left their face, but they believed in him.

"... Oh, come now. You were so close, dear."

Picking the gun up,

"Let me help you,"

Joshua held Neku's hand gently in their own, wrapping his fingers around the grip. For some reason, he can't pull away. He can't scream. He can't do anything except cry.

_The world around them is breaking apart, disassembling at the seams..._

"This gun... It truly could fix everything wrong. I, too, simply want to be free of this nightmare, Neku. Every single moment of this painful life..."

Time slowed around them, every second spanning a century. Joshua gently caresses Neku's hand, guiding the gun--firmly held in Neku’s hands-- over their chest. Pressing the muzzle right to their heart, holding Neku’s other arm in place. It was so strange, somehow... Joshua's touch felt warm, and real. 

It was beyond horrifying.

"I feel more and more trapped here. Forced to sing and write for a lost cause. It's still so miserable here. It would only do us good..."

Holding Neku's arms in place, he can only stare in utter shock. Joshua's voice became so soft, so sincere and clear... _It was never like this before. Never here. Never like this... Never..._

"The world we both desire is a single bullet away.”

“... I don’t ... want this... A world... without... you... I...” Neku couldn’t tell if he was actually speaking, or if he could be heard... The feeling of hot tears burning his cheeks numbed into something else. 

He didn’t feel anything outside of Joshua’s hands on his own.

_Their Vibes weren’t tuned down at all, this whole time. Everything stung..._

" _Neku_..." Joshua's voice could almost be heard as pleading...

_He only wished this could end._

"... Kill me, then... I'd rather die... _Joshua_..." The words barely pass through his throat, but Joshua hears him. 

Taking the pistol from his hands, Joshua slowly but firmly points the muzzle...

Right where Neku's heart is. It was still warm from when he had shot it earlier. 

He wasn't ready, god, he was never ready... You can't just _cope_ with a gun held to your... 

_Did it mean something when Joshua pointed it at his heart, instead of his head?_

_... Where did this morbid sense of peace come from? Why did it wash over him, as he was about to die again?_

"Say, Neku... _Why_ , after I've given you every reason to hate me?" Joshua’s expression, their tone, it was completely unreadable... If he didn't know better, he could swear Joshua was going to...

For whatever reason... Neku chuckled," That's easy... It’s because... I know you're hurting. You want to cry, too... Don't you, Josh?" his voice was so warm, so kind...

_They absolutely couldn't stand it._

The second shot rings out,

the World shatters.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last thing he saw was an utterly   
> disheartened, crying angel,  
> his vision scrambled from red, to black,  
> Their entire world fell apart.

His eyes shot open to the same ceiling of the same, familiar apartment.

Rising from his bed, his head ached, and his breathing was heavy... He didn't feel like he got any sleep at all, he just felt like he  _ died _ .  _ Again.  _

But this time, he couldn’t even feel his body. His eyes, his face, it didn’t feel like his own. All of his senses were clouded, buzzing, ringing...  _ Was he dead? No, he couldn’t be, everything around him was as real as ever. The same as ever. It was only a dream... Right? Was it? The seconds that went by made it harder to tell.  _

He immediately snaps on his headphones, which were playing incredibly quiet music. He turns it to max volume. 

It hurts his ears, he could feel the music rattle his head, he’s still alive. No one else he knows listens to this song, this bizarre Nightcore remix, he’s still himself. He’s still Neku Sakuraba, who lives in a small apartment complex in Shibuya. 

Neku can finally feel the tears trickling down his cheeks.

Turning the music down, just enough so he can hear himself think... He grabs his phone, jabbing at the screen,

[6:16 A.M.]

**N:** hhey u guys ar still there right im fine i think imgfine it sjust a wierd feel8ng... yuorestill there right

He just as quickly tosses it back to the side of the bed, but keeps it in reach. Curling up into himself, he rocked back and forth, digging his nails into his arms...

Neku’s mind immediately tunes itself back into thinking about the dream. He wonders if he would ever have that nightmare ever again. Things had changed so much. Try as he might, he can’t even begin to wrap his head around it. 

They  _ did  _ say it was their ‘Final’ game... They always did, but this time... It was... Everything  _ changed _ . 

_ Everything felt real, he could only tell it was a dream because Joshua acted... So much unlike themself. They had their usual air of confidence, but it was only a thin veil that obscured their howling self-hatred.  _

_ Neku spoke, and they listened, they responded. Joshua touched him, his arms, and they felt warm. They felt alive.  _

If he didn’t know better, he’d have thought he wanted to...  _ Protect  _ them, even when they had a gun to his heart. He had never been so vehement about  _ not  _ taking their life. 

_ Not even for the rest of the world, the world he finally began to understand. _ The thought made his skin crawl, it dug deep... He could at least finally feel most of his body, again. His heartbeat rang in his ears. His arms ached, his eyes stung.

... He would get used to this, too, whether or not Joshua was willing it. Whether or not they were serious. 

Whether or not they were even really there. 

Could it just be his own psyche tormenting him? Punishing him every other night for a month? He long stopped questioning any of the weird shit happening to him, all he had to do was... Deal with it.

Those 3 accursed--yet needed-- weeks in the UG changed Neku for good, and he felt no remorse for his decisions. He cared about his friends, he loved them more than anything. That’s just the kind of person he is, now. 

A single month after the Long Game won't erase what bad had been cast into his life since, but he sure as hell won't be defeated by it.

His breathing still hadn't returned to normal, his skull felt like it was crushing itself, but he’s been through worse. Much worse. He’s better than this.

He  _ still  _ isn’t used to being alive. But he’ll be okay, eventually. 

He still saw people with black wings in their shadows, he narrowly avoided anyone he even remotely recognized from the Games, he bolts when he s _ wears  _ he sees floating sigils... 

He sees ghosts, and he sees the ominous shadows of people who used to be ghosts. It’s not normal. He’s not normal. Never have been, never will be. But that doesn’t matter.

He’d sworn to make the most out of his life, and he wasn’t alone anymore. Even just the sunlight shining through the window felt like a little beacon of hope. 

Taking his headphones off, keeping it around his neck, he at least felt alive, again. The music continued playing, creating a weirdly calming ambience... That was good enough for him, right now. 

* * *

Curled up on his bed, beside him is a notebook open to a page of abstract, surreal scribbles. Trying to visualize the abnormal things he’s seen and experienced on paper, it made him feel a bit... Stronger? More in control of the chaos that forced itself into his life. At the least, he finally felt willing enough to drink some water... Seeing his phone screen light up, he checks it,

[10:01 A.M.]

**S:** I'm so sorry for late reply but yes!! We're still here Neku! You are too! I promise. Is everything alright..?

[11:37 A.M.]

**B:** Yea Phones!! We still here!! All of us!!! Did another nightmare happen?:(

They were still here, and so was he... Alive, and breathing. For just a moment, he kind of... wants to cry, again. Countless mornings had been spent crying out of relief that he isn’t alone, that he’s not dead. That he wasn’t shot, stabbed, or anything else. 

He  _ really  _ didn’t want to talk about that, though. Not because he’s afraid his friends were tired of it, but because  _ he’s  _ tired of it. He knows he’s loved, he knows he’s cared about, he  _ knows  _ he’s alive. He’ll ingrain the thought deep in his heart, so that it might flourish someday.

[12:02 A.M.]

**N:** yeah. Just another dream, but its like

**N:** fine, im ok now. wanted to ask though

Instead, he’s going to get right to the point, talk about the very real-feeling chaotic dream he had. Neku sighs. _ He was going to feel a little stupid for asking, but he didn't quite care anymore. He’d at least try to be punctual, though. Capital letters dignify seriousness, right?  _

**N:** Did either of you see or talk to joshua recently? they were in my dream... They acted wierd. 

**B:** Priss-kid hasn't shown their mug 'round here ever since we won. Don't think Rhyme's seen them either but I can try to ask for ya bro.

**S:** They acted weird...? Haven't heard from them since... You know;; Do you want to talk about it more Neku...? 

**N:** Uhh yeah ok.. I do, but uh. i should ask. Do you both remember the... 'last game'? With... there were two guns, and... yeah,... i don't think i ever asked, 

**N:** it was... Right before we all came back.

_ Time suddenly came to a halt. He hadn't asked much about the events of the game since they happened. He'd explained the dream to them before, but never in detail. Not even names. If they know Joshua was there, then-- _

**B:** I remember bro... I remember.

**S:** The... Beat and I were both frozen, but.. But we could still hear and see what happened.

**B:** Yeah... You, Priss-kid, and... i'm sorry Phones... 

_ They knew? Joshua actually left that part of their memories intact? Why? What did they have to gain from knowing? It’s not like he knew, but wasn’t there some rule against letting Players keep their memories of the Game? _

**N:** it’s... it’s ok. well, this dream, and... The ones before it.. It was like that game. Most of the time, just like it.

**N:** This one wasn’t. a lot changed. Joshua acted differently...

**N:** what do you two.. think of them... of Joshua? 

**S:** I.... I think it's ... it’s very, very... ;; complicated because of what happened before... I don’t know a lot about them,, except for that game...

**B:** ..

_ Beat deleted his message, apparently having sent it too early. Neku wanted to believe that, in any case, but Beat had a vast multitude of reasons to hate Joshua... Maybe he just didn’t want to say anything-- _

**B:** ... Phones, do you think they're a good person?.. Do you trust them?

That was the last think he expected to be asked.  _ Then again, Beat knew Joshua from when they were Neku’s partner, so it made some sense, but... _

_ Should he trust them? Could he trust them? Would he trust them? _

_... He already knew the answer. God knows he couldn’t explain why.  _

**N:** I trust Joshua. A lot... despite everything..

**N:** I just... do.

**B:** Then I do too. I trust them. 

**B:** ... Not entirely, cause im still mad at ‘em, but if even  _ you  _ can, Phones, then... yeah. Me too!! 

**S:** I share the same sentiments as Beat.

**S:** It’s odd, though... You have that sixth sense for finding the best in people, Neku... So i'll try not to worry too much.

_... Texting wasn’t going to cut it for the rest of this conversation.  _

**N:** thank you, you two ... Uh.. Are you guys ok w/ calling now... i think it’ll be easier to talk about this that way...

**S:** Sure thing!

**B:** U got it bro.

Sitting up, Neku leans into his mass of pillows, dialing their numbers. After several hours, he  _ finally  _ turns off the Nightcore music playing from his headphones. Seeing their names pop up on the phone screen, he holds it up to his ear, curling up into himself again.

“... Uh, before I talk more about this... How’ve you two been handling things so far?” It’d been about over a week since they’d last gotten together, last talked in person... Not that it was an outrageous amount of time to be apart, but... 

Neku worried about how they’d all been faring, Shiki, Beat, and Rhyme... Outside of adjusting back to life, they’ve all been busy, despite it being the middle of summer vacation. They all have Post-Game related struggles just like he does, and despite it all... 

Summer classes, part-time jobs, day-to-day life... The heat alone made it harder to get together as often. Most shops or places to hang out were always booked, chock-full of people... 

Even Wildkatt, which they were all collectively avoiding. 

“Things have been going alright for me. Eri’s been helping me look for a job, and we’ve been finalizing our current project...!” Shiki and Eri had spent the past month reconciling, and despite the odds, trying to enjoy their summer together... Whether or not Eri knew anything about the Games... Shiki had considered trying to explain it all to her, she told Neku and Beat... 

That discussion ended rather quickly, as that was something only she could come to a decision on.

Eri was a curious one, Neku hadn’t talked with her a whole lot, though, from the time he  _ had  _ been around her... Shiki wasn’t actually that great at pretending to  _ be  _ her, during those first few Days... Which was ultimately a good thing.

Shiki inquired, “That’s more or less it for me, how about you, Beat?”

“We’s been doin alright. School stuff’s been... Man, you wouldn’t really wanna hear ‘bout how it’s been. Mannin’ a cash register’s a  _ lot  _ easier... ” Beat took up both a job and summer classes. He’d been keeping busy since returning, his own parents were surprised at his sudden attempts to ‘get his life together’... 

It was a bit bizarre, how they all changed, and everyone else in their life was nothing short of bewildered by it. Surprised, astonished,  _ worried,  _ in some cases...

Neku, Beat, Shiki, and Rhyme, were the only ones who seem to remember anything-- everything, about the Games. A number of heart-to-hearts over texts and calls proved this much.

“Enough ‘bout me, though. Whatcha wanna talk ‘bout Phones?”

Neku had almost forgotten he had something he wanted to discuss, he kind of just wanted to listen to the two of them talk, hoping it’d take him out of his own mind... He felt rather selfish thinking like that, though.

Part of him really wished Joshua could’ve been a part of this... Just, talking, and... Being. Existing, with each other.

Despite the nature of his frequent ‘nightmares’ involving them, there was a reason he decided against calling them nightmares. Even if it hurt, and only brought anguish. _ If Joshua was there, then _

  
“Right... About Joshua, and... The dream I had, and the ones I keep having...  _ I think I _ \--”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any spelling errors/incorrect grammar during the texting segments is fully intentional these kids r texting at the crack of dawn lmao
> 
> In any case I feel like I really outdid myself with this one!! I can't check the character limit until i hit publish b/c i just copypaste this all from a google doc so i hope it is long and good to read. not sure what else to say aside from my thanks to you for reading!! let me know via comments or kudos if u liked this!
> 
> (revv urselves up for the next chapter its sure to be a Bit of a doozy ;3c )

**Author's Note:**

> Gracious thanks to @eudaemonix for helping me make this flow so much better!! You absolutely should go and read eir works. I love em so much///!!
> 
> With that said...
> 
> Happy 13th anniversary to one of my top favorite games ever!! I've only known it for a month and yet I feel like I've known it as long as it's existed. It's not exactly on time, but I just REALLY wanted to make this good. I'd like for this to go on a long while if I can!! I'm adding tags as they're needed. I have a lot of love for these characters, I kind of want this to be about all of them. I have a few character biases here and there, but I really do love the whole cast with my whole heart. Here's to hoping I can do them justice!!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated as always!!


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